JD the odd (wolfyknight) wrote,
JD the odd
wolfyknight

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life

life... it has its up, it has its downs... last few months have had a lot of both sides of life.

Although leigh and I were going to try to work on our marriage... i feel a brick wall has been put up. I am done jumping through hoops. I will be called the big fucking bitch, if that is what is needed to keep sanity in my and skye's life.

My dad invited me to thanksgiving in texas for the first time in YEARS and YEARS. He invited skye last year, but this year it was the both of us. Of course I have to keep my mouth censoured, and not be called my name, or the correct title (dada) but, at least skye will get to meet that family, and I will get to hug my aunt meme for the first time since she flew all the way to IL for my high school graduation. ( that was end of may, in 2003.)

Skye and I are flying to Oakland, CA for x-mas. I am very very much looking forward to this, although I worry a lot about it to. Organially, I was going to fill in on a newspaper route for a week or two at the end of NOV. that way I would have some money for gifts for family, and some money to take to CA with me. Now, I was told she isnt going to have me fill in at all, and that I am basicly SOL. So, How can I make this trip, with no money? Well.. the tickets are already bought and paid for, and non refundable. Plus, we are not staying in a hotel, we are staying at a friends... but still.... I cant just freeload off of them! But nor can I make them lose out on the money they spent on the tickets...

anyone know of a way to make some quick cash? I mean, I am happy in one sense that I am not doing the route, because I am free to go to texas for thanksgiving, rather than working then, but at the same time, even then, I am basicly freeloading off of my dad and shelly... they ALREADY been paying for my car for way way too long... nevertheless all the diapers they buy for skye, the clothes too... all the 'little' things, that without them, i wouldnt be able to buy as much of, or the better types...

I want and need these trips to try to regain myself again, to regain my self-assurance that I CAN do things, make decisions, care for skye...

yet all I can think of, is I should be working already... yet, every time I bring it up, I am told by one person or another that I should just wait untiil after the holidays... but, people dont HIRE *after* holidays... then again, I dont need a temp job, I need a STEADY job!...

no wonder I have had nightmares every night since I really started getting mentally stable again....
Tags: holidays, leigh, life, love
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